Well, that's not quite right...Pen Friend to the rescue!

As I've mentioned previously, there's enough spices in my kitchen/freezer/fridge/pantry/garden to make the Silk Road traders of old quite envious. In fact, my pantry has essentially been converted into my personal apothecary. A buddy of mine loves to stick his head in the cupboards and inhale quite deeply. To be fair, I also huff my spices- but that's because I've had my fair share of blind idiot moments.

I once tried to put  parmesan  cheese in a vaporizer because it looked just like the Morton's salt.
Recently I was making some pan fried taters (I don't use the oven much anymore unless I have a friend/sous chef with me so I don't add more scars to my collection) and they were coming along quite nicely. Until I realized that I hadn't actually grabbed the paprika--which is of course the 'happy spice'. Nope! There was definitely no taste of happiness, as I had grabbed the Cayenne pepper instead. That stuff is a wonderful styptic and I have it all over my house for just that reason, but dammit! It's not the happy spice.

So, I grabbed what I thought was the paprika and added it to the taters. Again, without investigating it like a little raccoon, which I usually do. Well, guess what? That wasn't paprika either! I gave up on that bit before I ended up adding every other type of spice from all corners of the globe, and balanced the flavour out with some basil. The taters came out rather tasty, but they weren't what I had wanted to make in the first place.

And unrelated to spice mix ups, I once tried to pay for some snacks with my library card, along with a whole bunch of other dumb things. But, there is an amazing little gadget called a Pen Friend.
It's made by a British company called RNIB. I was lucky enough to get one from my state's Commission for the Blind. They get limited grants and the Pen Friend isn't cheap.
How does this relate to anything I was just ranting about? Well, lemme tell 'ya all about it!

The Pen Friend is this nifty lil gadget that looks like a cross between one of those big multi ink pens crossed with a microphone. It comes with a set of white labels that you can use to record various things, and there's even a set that you can get that are washable and machine safe so you can label your clothes. It even doubles as a media player, which I use to listen to some of my prayers and meditation music.

The way it works is by storing the information that you record by programming the lables and you can add things to it like a media player by plugging it in to a computer.

Using the labels goes a bit like this: say you have spices or canned goods that you can't tell apart. You simply place the lable on the item and hold the Pen Friend above it. Hit the record button and say what the object is. Once you've labeled everything, just hover the Pen Friend over it and the prerecorded description will play.

The labels are reusable---just peel them off and stick it on to another can of sliced potatoes or whatever you programmed it for. Or, you can just reprogram them by recording over them. I love that thing! You can even colour over them to make them easier to see or help differentiate them from other things you've labeled.

I use it mostly for phone numbers, canned items, and my spices. But, because I couldn't resist, I labeled my friends dog to demonstrate. Hehe

A lovely thing I learned in Holland

A few years ago Awesome Guy and I went to Holland for a big 'ol convention: Dance Fair. He's a music producer and this was quite the big-to-do. So, while he was off giving presentations and schmoozing, I hobnobed a bit myself and then went on a culinary adventure. I'll talk more about the trip in a different post, as we had a great time.

But, as I was hunting down me-friendly-food I was struck by the quality and vibrance of the food. Walking around in the local market was amazing! The vitality of the produce was incredible- and it definitely had an effect on the locals. Everyone was radiating that inner beauty which can only be attained  by consuming top quality  produce, which was EVERYWHERE!

On every table with every meal was a pitcher of water stuffed full of  fresh mint sprigs, and often raspberries as well. Ever since my first sip of it, I have been hooked! There's frequently a pitcher of the stuff in my fridge since then. I highly recommend it! Here's how to do it and also a bonus infused water recipe that I learned about from my local hospital:

Mint infused water from Holland

Get a big 'ol pitcher of water and fill it with as much fresh mint sprigs as possible. Refrigerate until infused.

Raspberry infused water from Holland

Add as many raspberries (lightly rinsed) as possible to a pitcher of water. Refrigerate until infused.

You may even get a pitcher going with raspberries and mint, which is also  divine!


BONUS RECIPE!!!

Follow the above directions, but use cinnamon sticks and cantaloupe for the infused water.

The great thing is that you can get several pitchers out of one batch by just adding more water


Since experiencing the mint raspberry water, I am seldom without a pitcher of it ...or two.

ENJOY!

The secret to a great Ruben

I have an unusual talent for making damned good approximations of cheap Chinese takeaway and the  coronary special from your local greasy spoon. I make said food for carnivores and vegans alike, and boy do I make a damn good Ruben.

The secret is in the sauce for sure and I get the best results from using the veganaise pesto mayo. Here's the recipe, feel free to make yours with critters:

Kick ass Ruben

Get yo'self two slices of some good kosher rye bread. Spread some butter or equivalent (earth balance) on both sides. Place in a pan until golden brown.* Flip 'em and add sauce on one side, cheese or equivalent on the other side, then load up on light life bacon (that you pre-cooked), and some sauerkraut. Assemble the sandwich. Heat on either side until golden brown, warm throughout, and nice and melty.
If it's done on both sides but not gooey yet, pop it in the microwave until the cheese melts.

* About now is the time to make the sauce:

Pesto mayo (or plain)
Ketchup
Relish

'New pain' and definitions

Just came back from an appointment with some folks at the pain management center at my local hospital. I actually saw the PA, so I listed it as 'New Pain and friends' on my calendar. The PA was great, and although I left without chemical enhancement, this was the first time I came away from a visit with hopes of an actual plan. That was awesome.

It seems like there's two extremes with such appointments-- either a big'ol script or lots of eval only to be shuffled off to somebody else. Then it's pretty much wash, rinse, and repeat. I frakking hate that! I get it if you don't want to send me on my chemically-enhanced-merry-way. I also get that I'm a complex case. Furthermore more, I understand the restrictions put on pain meds and the fact that they can burn out your dopamine receptors over time. I like those receptors and want to preserve them as much as possible.

 This visit was so refreshing because there was a mutual understanding of what may help, what has helped, and what needs to happen to have a plan in place. We also discussed what my options are if the plan needs to be adapted and what limitations I might face from their end. This office is willing to send out notes to my other docs so that nobody is left with their dicks in the wind.

One of the things we discussed was Topomax. I have been on it in the past, but had to d/c it because it made me wig out. There was another med that helped with that problem, but my insurance no longer covers it and the black market won't take my kidney.  I'm glad it came up though, since I may end up on it again at some point and wanted to know more about managing that side effect. The conversation went something like this:

New pain PA: So, was one of the medications you tried in the past Topomax?
Me: Yes, but it made me hardcore wig out.
PA: Like, anxiety? Or any racing thoughts?
Me: It made me extremely irrational.
PA: Gotcha...umm I'm just trying to think of the best way to put that in my notes...
Me: Batshit?
PA: (giggling) Yeah. In medical speak

Rhino skin

Sometimes, neuropathy is a blessing in disguise- I no longer experience afterburn. I have a bad habit of accidentally boiling my hands. Hot clear fluids and neurological issues don't mix well. I have a lovely collection of scars to prove it. But then there's the thing that happens when you really cook your hands good. It's the state between a second and third degree burn that doesn't blister. You know, rhino skin. I earned myself a nice pachyderm patch of it on my whole left thumb. Thanks a lot oatmeal

Botox round 2

Seems like since the Botox it's been a little easier to cut off the migraines before they get super ugly. I mean they still keep me from doing much and I'm still a slave to my bucket, but I'm still thoroughly enjoying less eyeball stabbing. One of the things that isn't helping is the limited quantity of the rescue meds. Like, I get it since they are RESCUE meds but seriously! You try having a migraine every day for nearly two years and then get back to me. Every patient is different and that really needs to be considered.

So, the injection process itself was fine. I did bleed a bit this time and was slightly unnerved by the squelch of the last shot, but again- no big deal. I am however dreading paying brioche again. The whole process is stupid. The nice desk lady agrees with me.

Giving Directions

When you say something is located 'south', it is important to distinguish whether it's 'south left' or 'south right'

So I just got a toaster

Yup. Finally got a toaster of my own! One thing that never occurred to me though, was that the bread slots are not universally sized. I found this out by trying to shove my rye bread in the stupid thing. There was too much bread and not enough slot.
 I thought the problem could be solved a few different ways:
1) go back to making toast in the oven or frying pan like a normal human
2) set toaster to low and flip the bread around
3) cut one piece of bread in half and toast the halves

Well...some how I managed to fuck up either method 2 or 3. I forgot which one. Basically, my blind ass wound up wedging the bread on one side between the heating element and the slot where bread is supposed to go.

The gypsy cab

I had to take two buses to get to school as a teenager, and have a few interesting stories about those times. There was this guy--'They call me Geo!'--that drove a white geo gypsy cab. He would go around the bus terminal singing:
'Take a gypsy cab! It's cheaper than the bus.
The other drivers hate me, cuz my rates are cheaper than theirs!
I'll take you anywhere you want to go!'

Everybody knew this guy. I never took his cab, but I think my mum still has the business card somewhere.

Silly wabbit!

My not-officially-adopted family lives around the block from me, and were kind enough to watch Voltaire for me while I was in Montauk. After I picked her up, it seemed like she was acting weird and I figured it was since I just brought her back home. I asked my friend if she had any trouble with the bun, and received a report of a well behaved rabbit.

I didn't think much of it until I went back to check on Voltaire, and found a spider by her cage. After I got rid of the thing, I checked her for bites. She was fine, and then suddenly back to normal. I had no idea rabbits could have a dislike for spiders.

Then again, we are talking about the bun that throws hay and newspaper on her head.

Seals, shoes, and cream cheese

So, my friend (who is an awesome guy!) and I recently went out to Montauk. My family has been going out there for several generations and has managed to find a reasonable route without much traffic. We did the trip on only a couple hundred bucks. Can't argue with that price tag.

Since Awesome Guy was doing the driving, I felt like he was pretty much in control of when we set off. I did my best to warn him about which times and routes were ideal, and then just kinda waited for us to leave. We ended up heading out quite late in the afternoon, and arriving in Montauk rather late that night.

What's a poor insomniac to do just before midnight with a whole fishing village to themselves? Why, wander down the beach of course! So, I set off on my solo wobble down the shore expecting to find horseshoe crab carcasses like when I was a kid. The moonlight was washing out my vision, so I was going up to all the round dark things that I thought could be crustaceans.

I didn't find any. Just big rocks. That is, until I stepped on a rock and it made a funny sound. Kinda like a whimper. I had never encountered a whimpering rock before, so I poked it again. More whimpering. I was stumped and figured I had stepped on something that was under the sand, when I was startled by movement directly in front of me.

I looked up, and directly at a seal. I didn't want to stick around since I had no idea if the thing was sick or injured, so I tore outta there as fast as a blind-wobbling- insomniac can across wet sand. I texted Awesome Guy the highly descriptive message, 'Dude! There's a seal!' Just in case my corpse was found mauled on the beach.

When I got back to the hotel room, I described what happened and that I was gonna go call the wildlife folks. After a few attempts at finding a 24hr hotline manned by a live human, I explained my find. I'd never seen a seal in Montauk before, but figured that if the thing wasn't off course the wildlife agencies probably still tracked their migration. The thing didn't seem obviously hurt, but it wasn't moving much either and they can bite.

I went back around dawn and the seal was still there. He (she?) didn't really move, but was lifting its head. I stood and watched it a little, not really wanting to bother the poor thing. But how often are you just walking along and then suddenly inches away from a 3ft long fuzzy torpedoe with puppy dog eyes?

I waited a bit, then popped off to Naturally Good for some breakfast. It's a neat little health food joint that's open early with a me friendly menu. I got the bagel deluxe with almond cream cheese, and was blown away. I was halfway through before realizing that it was in the 'not date food' category and that I had sprouts up my nose and avocado all over my face. Satisfied and smelling of onions, I went back to the hotel to wear the rest of my breakfast in relative privacy.

Awesome Guy wasn't quite awake yet, so we chilled a bit before I went out to Jhon's for waffle fries. I have no idea if they're officially on the menu or not, but I've been ordering them since I was a kid.
After indulging in fries, we headed out to the beach.

The seal was still there and I spoke with some people that said it had been there since at least the whole day before. Since people were walking right past the thing, I went over to take a picture.
After the photo op, I went back to Naturally Good on a cream cheese quest.

I managed to find two tubs of the magical stuff. It's made by Kite Hill and is the best cream cheese alternative I've ever come across. While waiting for some lunch, I ordered an iced latte with almond milk and very much regret not bringing back a gallon of it. That coffee was ace.

After lunch on the beach, I decided to head to the huge three floor super store that sells the most amazing assortment of things. My best bug net and first book of mad libs came from there. I picked up a weird tradition of setting off snakes on the beach as a child, but the store didn't have any. I got some of the snaps that look like cigarette butts instead. They also had shoes for $7.00. Two pairs came back with me. At some point, the seal either got picked up by the tide or the authorities; he was gone by the time we set out for our next wander.

Couldn't resist...

I live for bad puns and dad jokes. I am especially proud to have come up with this gem...

A buddy of mine was going back and forth during a fantasy football draft trading good natured and creative insults. He started to crack up and replied with, 'No thank you! Females only!'
I looked him in the face and very seriously asked, 'Does that mean Iron Man is ok?'

Hungry blog?

It seems as though some of my posts have been eaten...or something. I dunno what's up with that, but if I start talking about the adventures of Big Yellow and Two Sticks and black bottomed dwarfs and you're confused, rest assured your faculties are still in tact

Kangaroos

I dunno what brought this to mind, but I thought it was worth sharing. When I was very small (about two or so) and visiting my grandparents, I was particularly awake one night. This wasn't really helpful for my mum's sleep schedule. I had kept her up for quite a while, so she was in tired parent mode and wasn't paying attention to what I was babbling about. I do actually remember this, and I recall being very adamant about a kangaroo being in the house.

My mum pretty much just let me ramble on about it, until about a foot in front of her there was suddenly eye shine. Turns out that two year old me thought that kangaroos and raccoons were pretty much the same thing

Jaw stuff

So today I had a consult with Dr.Goode-Slice. He did my previous jaw surgeries--yes, that's plural. I decided to go back to see him first instead of being shuffled around a bunch,  since he has my history on file and I was happy with the previous procedures he had done.  I didn't have any scarring or complications and there can be a lot of that with the issues that I have. The previous surgeries didn't take because of structural issues,  not due to his technique.

Seems  as though there's a long road ahead regardless of whether I decide to go with what he suggests versus a quick fix until I can have open joint  surgery. It does seem as though open joint surgery is in my future.

Dr.Goode-Slice  thanks it's possible that the migraines are coming from the TMJ issues. I'll talk more about that in a different post. So that's all for now!

Rant about paying brioche

Brace yourself for stupidity. This is the crap I've had to deal with, and will likely continue to deal with until there's a barcode on my id or I croak. After 'Brioche pharmacy' finally got their heads out of their butts and I bugged the hell out of my neurologist's office about it, I was told I'd have to pay a copayment of a whopping $3.70. I'm sure there's about that much in pennies laying around, so it didn't seem like a big deal.

When I went for the injections in February, nobody at Dr.New-Neuro's office said anything about the copayment. When I asked about it the following month, they said I had to pay the pharmacy. That would have been nice to know before. If I had known about that, I might not have done the Botox. Not because I have a copayment, but because of actually paying it. That part isn't so easy.

Let's look at the process here: In order to get the Botox administered, I have to get to the neurologist. I most likely have to take a cab since I don't have any way to get anywhere. That's already over budget for me for the month. If I just had to pay the neurologist's office that'd be way easier. I could just hand them a pile of change in between paying for some cab driver's kid's college fund.
So since I can't do that, I have to find a way to pay Brioche directly. I have no form of electronic payment, which means I have to get a money order. Ugh... I talked about this in another post, but I can't purchase a money order because of my id. That means that I have to stand around and ask strangers to do it for me.

What do I have to contend with after I manage to get a money order? I have to mail it. Someone has to at least read all the info to me, if not fill it out for me. Then I have to either ambush the mailman or  wait till I have an appointment near a mailbox. I tried leaving a bright ass post it note asking the mailman to mail the stupid thing, but I guess he's colour blind or something. The thing sat in the mailbox for days. I'm pretty sure that picking up mail is in their job description.

 Thank God I didn't have to get stamps

Brioche pharmacy

Ok, so it's not 'brioche' but it might as well be. I swear those folks are more dense than bread. Anywho, there's a bunch to rant about but here's the exchange from this morning:

My phone: 'Call from brioche pharmacy'.
Me: 'Hello?'
Lady: 'Hi! I'm calling from brioche pharmacy, to let you know that we called your neurologist.'
Me: 'Ok. What did you have to call them about and what information do you need from me?'
Lady: 'Oh, we had to ask them to put through the authorization for the Botox. We're just letting you know that we let them know, and now that you know, they'll let you know when we know.'
Me: 'Ah. Well if the delay for anything being dispensed is because of the copayment, I did just send it.'
Lady: 'The what?'
Me: 'The copayment. I wasn't able to get or mail it until now and it wasn't clear to whom or how I was supposed to pay.'
Lady: 'Oh copayment! I thought you said "copayment"!'

That is exactly how it went, with the exception of the pharmacy name change. I was struck by the sudden need for communication on their part, considering all the shuffling around since last fall for them to dispense anything. And also the fact that they didn't seem to care about getting their $3.70

Best spinach and taters ever!

I have a friend who will take a bite of something and lean back for a second before saying, 'That is exactly what I needed!' That's how I feel about this recipe. Seriously, you need to try it or your life won't be complete.

Best spinach and taters:

1 can spinach
1 can whole or diced potatoes
1 can plain stewed tomatoes
1 can coconut milk
Spices: cumin, coriander, allspice, ginger

Combine all ingredients into a pot and add spices to taste.
Go heavy on the cumin though, and add the coconut milk last incase you don't want
it really wet. It should be the consistency of stew or chowder. Cook until taters are soft

The Power of Choice

Bit of an odd post here, but have you ever given your favourite something to someone? Think about a time when you shared your favourite food with someone (this is ME, of course food is the example here). Ok, now multiply that feeling by at least ten. It's sort of like that--at least for me.

I've been through a lot of shit in life that I haven't had control over, but I guess I rolled high in Wisdom cuz I've always made good decisions. I've lost a lot of things that were important to me. But somehow, being able to choose to give something like that to someone is empowering. It's also liberating-- knowing that I can make that decision myself and not let life circumstances dictate everything

My brain sucks, but it's never dull!

I get frustrated with myself a lot. It's hard for me to do simple things and that gets me, so I'm venting. It's also challenging to convey what's going on sometimes, leading to even more frustration. I've been told that I have a unique way of describing things. Well, let's see...

I have synesthesia. It's not the super cool kind where you can identify notes of music by colour (although I'd be perfectly fine with that one!), but I wouldn't give mine up for anything. Even though it can suck. So, what's it like?

Imagine that you've just been served this amazing dish of food. You go to dig in, but can't. It smells too 'green' and that smell happens to make you emotionally distraught. So, you try to go for something else. That's much nicer-- this colour smells ok. Alright, let's eat some! 

You put the food in your face, and immediately reach for a napkin. Why? Well, the shape tastes all wrong! It's too angular and you prefer food that tastes rounder. Let's try some of the water to wash the offensive shape away. Ugh! That's no good either--the texture isn't right. All you wanted to do was go out for a bit and enjoy the day, but now you have to go home or at least somewhere that's socially acceptable to not have pants and shoes on.

Ok, let's get in the car. There are nice things in there, like your toothbrush which calms you down. And your mummy bag that you can have on instead of pants. Also, you can recline a bit and you brought Mr.Bucket cuz POTS sucks and you forgot your Nuun tablets. So, you get comfy and put the radio on. And you proceed to trip balls...

The music feels amazing! The physical reaction you get from this song is incredible and you begin to float away after a few songs. Except the music changes and the pleasant chills and tears have given way to fear and now you're being pulled away from yourself. That's easy to manage though and you just change the song. 

You start thinking about this and that on the way home. Suddenly you get a text from a friend that's filling out a job application. She can't remember various details about work history and wants your help. Why? Your synesthesia also effects how you remember things too. Your brain pretty much has some crossed wires that allow you to associate memories with points in time...in extreme detail.

So, yeah...its pretty much like that 

Mistaken identity

I like 'The Cure'. Robert Smith's voice is great. But I was having a hard time trying to find a few songs. Couldn't figure out why. Turns out I had searched for 'Tobert Snoth' instead of 'Robert Smith'.

Kicked out for not conforming

What could I have done that was so outrageous that got me kicked out of a public pool? Well, I wore pants. Yup! That's the whole reason why. Pretty dumb, right? This was in the days before 'modest swimwear' was more recognized. I was told I could wear shorts, though. Lady, the whole point of wearing pants was to have my legs COVERED. Last time I checked, shorts didn't do that. If I didn't want my legs covered, I would have had my fat ass hanging out of a bikini because then at least I wouldn't be trying to claw shorts off my legs.

I like dead guys

I have a theme with pet names. Most of my critters have been named after philosophers/great thinkers, and artists. And most of them happen to be dead guys. Critters really don't care what you call them and I took a few liberties. I had a leopard frog named Shakespeare and a beta named Nostradamus. That fish had sort of an ironic death. His head got crushed by one of the glass marbles at the bottom of his habitat. Perhaps he saw it coming.

Then there's the bunnies. Copernicus was a huge white rabbit. If I new she'd get so big, I would have named her Harvey. Perky didn't last long, maybe a bit over a year. She lived the longest out of the whole litter though. Next came So_Crates. He's an old guy now, going on about 13. He lives with a friend of mine and their dog and several cats quite harmoniously. And of course now I have Voltaire, my favourite breed of rabbit: a French breed called Hotot. So, in keeping with the theme I named her after the dead French guy.

I had two cats follow me home last summer, so I took them in until they could be re homed. Stevie Nicks, and Rasputin. I broke the theme a little bit with Stevie. I originally wanted to call her Spooky-- she was all black with striking green eyes. But the day she followed me I was wearing a flowy green dress, and she didn't answer to Spooky. So Stevie it was. Rasputin got her name because of her eyes, which I can only describe as 'electric pumpkin' in colour, or perhaps Ra Ra's eyes were flaming gold...

Back to Voltaire, as in the dead guy. I was vaguely familiar with his work but fell in love with him in New Jersey. I had purposely been avoiding 'Candide' for years, but happened upon a book in a private library while visiting family. It was one of those Reader's Digest type books and had several of Voltaire's pieces in it, including 'Candide'. I passed the play up for the moment.

I wish I knew what book it was so I could hunt down some of those poems and essays. They were hilarious. Like piss-your-pants-cry-so-hard-you-can't-breathe hilarious. I vaguely remember something about apples and possibly a mystic.

Years later I happened to catch a bit of 'Candide' on the radio. I was doing something in the kitchen when suddenly 'You were dead, you know' came floating over the airwaves. I managed to hunt down some information about that particular production and Panglos's song about syphilis had me in a fit of laughter. It was the production done at the  Baltimore Symphony orchestra in 2015 or 16, if you're curious.

So, yeah... I like dead guys.

How to cook rice

Ok this sounds dumb, but it took me forever to learn how to cook rice. In the end, I came up with this method and it has yet to fail me. The only thing is that you won't get any of the crunchy bits with this method.


Perfectly cooked rice

In a pot, combine twice as much water as rice. So if you use a 1/2 cup of rice, use 1 cup of water. Add  an additional 2 splashes of water and a little butter or oil. Bring to a boil then stir. Start a timer for 5 minutes and let it be. Then cover, turn the heat down a bit and time another 5 minutes. Turn off the heat and let it be for 5 more minutes. That's it! Now when I say let it be, I mean just that! Don't poke it, don't stir it, and for goodness sake do not futz with the cover during the last 10 minutes. That's the secret to success.

Italian with grandma

My gram was pretty awesome. For some reason, I just remembered two of the times she threw in a language lesson. Out of the blue by the way.


Lesson one
Gram: (From the kitchen) 'Hey!'
Me: 'Yeah?'
Gram: 'You wanna learn Italian?'
Me: 'Sure!'
Gram: 'Ok! You know pasta, right?'
Me: 'Uh...yeah...'
Gram: 'You know ''al dente''?'
Me: 'Yeah.'
Gram: 'You know what it means? ''Hard as your teeth''!'

Lesson two
Gram: (From the kitchen) 'Hey!'
Me: 'Hmm?'
Gram: 'You know ''mortadella''?'
Me: 'Yeah.'
Gram: 'Know what it means? ''Strikes you dead''!'


And that was the extent of my lessons. 'Arabic with grandpa' wasn't nearly as memorable and I'm haunted by memories of him having me write the letter F over and over cuz he couldn't read my Spanish. You know, when you speak more than five languages and you're older than me, of course your handwriting is gonna be better than mine! The American education system sucks- you didn't experience it first hand.

The 'Admiral'

We have a saying in my family that describes when someone or something completely unrelated to what's happening seems to chime in perfectly. We refer to this as 'the Admiral'. The Admiral can take many forms such as, another person or someone else's conversation, the radio, something written down, or the TV.

That's actually where the name comes from. Admiral used to make old TV sets. My mum had one growing up and swears this thing 'knew' what was going on. Not quite in a haunted/possessed/sentient way, but in more than a way that was just coincidental.

For instance, if the TV was on and the phone rang. Suddenly it was like the thing was in on the conversation. People or ads would come on that were relevant to the conversation or there would be some snarky comment. I'm fairly certain that everyone has experienced this in one form or another.
Now you have a word for it.

I don't think the thing was haunted, but the phenomenon seems to follow around my family. A lot. The original Admiral is probably in a landfill somewhere at this point, but he lives on. And rest assured, he is alive and well!

Misc. D&D adventures

Whenever someone mentions 'role playing', I think of d20's. Not therapy or weird stuff that you make hookers sign non disclosure agreements for. Nope-- maybe that makes me weird, but I'll take that any day. Let me start with the story of the dented mug...

This actually goes back to my first game of dungeons and dragons ever. There's a lot of superstition in the tabletop rpg community and if you try and play against any of that, you will have a miserable time of it. Trust me, and the Bards. I played a bunch of other systems before getting into d&d. Although, if you really want to get technical-- I had actually played through some of the 'Lone Wolf' and 'Dragon Lance' stuff first.
'You decide to visit Limbo. You've heard it's nice this time of year'.  (Anyone? Anyone at all?)

Point is, I had an idea of what I was getting myself into...sort of. I had a very experienced DM and he didn't even see this coming. There was a party of about six of us, a good mixed party. Dwarves, half orcs, gnomes. Bards, fighters,  rogues, rangers, paladins. A good assortment.

I was playing a half elf ranger. Ever since my very first d&d game, I have played this guy. Even if I have to roll up a new character, the stats are nearly identical. It's spooky.

So after a long day of adventuring, our party decides to camp for the night. We were on our way to go take care of some restless undead in a local graveyard. Surprise! The undead are wandering around and we get attacked in the middle of the night by skeletons. This is a particularly bad deal--you don't want to be caught without armor or weapons. Especially as a level one character.

We're getting our asses handed to us-- spells that had been cast earlier hadn't regenerated yet and neither had hp. So I asked the DM if I could try and grab something to hit the skeleton that was attacking me with. DM says sure--roll for it. I successfully grab my pack. The skeleton tries to make an attack and misses.

Back to my turn. I try to grab something out of my pack. DM allows it, I make the check and roll again to grab... a mug. Well, shit. This situation isn't very good and all I can manage to do is grab a fucking mug. I'm the only one not taking damage, and everything is up to me.

I had to go for it, work with what I had. So I roll to try and hit the skeleton...successfully! Nat 20, actually. Nobody can believe this and I ended up with major xp from that. Everything suddenly started going in our favour after that. And to this day, my half elf ranger never goes anywhere without his dented mug.

We need a word for this...

I don't think we have a word for this--at least in English-- and there needs to be one. We need a word that describes the feeling you get when everything sucks, because it doesn't suck as much as it did and you know it can be better.

'Frustrated' seems too general. I'm talking a specific adjective that conveys the fact that you know it's not so bad (whatever your 'it' is), but that's the fact that pisses you off.

Maybe such a word exists already. If it does, please let me know what it is. Or if you're a bored wordsmith or linguist, now you have a task to amuse yourself with-- you're welcome!

Migraine Check-in

Ok, so I forgot to post on Tuesday about my neurology appointment. I was preoccupied with trying to sleep and then trying to figure out what 'Ambien Me' did with my hair brush, headphones, rescue meds, and half a jar of grape jelly. Anywho...

The eyeball stabbing came back, but it's not as bad as it was, and the dystonia seems ok. The migraines are still constant, but I'm not miserable. The fluid still pours out of my nose, and nobody's done an MRI. Still using the rescue meds, and the Zofran/Diet Coke/bucket combo. Dr.New-Neuro was pleasantly surprised that I had no side effects from the first round of injections, and wants to see me in two months for the next round. I think it's a good idea to give it a go, symptoms can  take a few rounds to subside.

This is also kind of a shout out/thank you to health care workers: you guys put up with a ton of bullshit and still choose to do your damnedest to try and help people. And often times don't get thanked enough, especially those in emergency medicine. So, I try not to give you guys a hard time cuz if I don't want to deal with my crap, then I can't imagine that you would either.

It's important for me to get this out there. A few months ago, Dr.New-Neuro's office advised me to go to the ER. This never occurred to me-- I had been previously advised to just curl up with my bucket and since I wasn't bleeding profusely, I didn't think that was where I needed to be. But I went begrudgingly, and I had to go by ambulance for reasons that I won't get into. Let's just say that with my migraines I need to be near a bucket, throne, shower, and washing machine.

After a few trips, I felt like that was a major waste of time and resources for me to just be miserable when I could be miserable at home for free. I called Dr.New-Neuro's office and told them so. Then I asked to try a medication that we weren't sure I could safely take, since that's pretty much what the ER wanted to give me anyhow. Turns out I can tolerate it just fine, and got shuffled off to the ER...again.

One day when the call went out, an extra vehicle showed up with the ambulance. One of the EMTs recognized my address and wasn't even on call. He just happened to hear it on the scanner and came to make sure I was ok. I don't remember your name,  but you are awesome and I want you to know that I am making progress. Seriously dude (and fellow medical professionals), THANK YOU!!!

This is pretty stupid...

I have a state id issued through the RMV (or DMV, whatever it is in my state) that basically catalogues me as a blind person. It is a VALID STATE ISSUED ID. However, I am constantly having issues with places accepting it. There is a statement on the back that says a place can decline to accept the id, but only under the circumstances that they would turn away any other type of id-- driver's license, passport, military id, etc.

The thing comes with it's own disclaimer and seal from the  governor, the only thing it doesn't have is a barcode. So I can't buy a money order, or Sudafed, or alcohol. It's frick'n stupid! Let me at least get my own beer, you know damn well I ain't driving home

Could have been a fever dream...

For some reason, my dystonia flares up in the spring. I tend to lose my voice and/or my neck will lock up for about a week. This has been happening since I was a kid and I would end up missing school a lot. As much as that sucked, those days ended up influencing my life in unexpected ways. Since I couldn't do much I was stuck with watching tv. I happened to be the weird kid that was always playing outside and never watched tv.

But, thanks to those days nine-year-old-me was introduced to 'Mork and Mindy' and 'Blazing Saddles'. Sure I was a little young, but boy did that beat the really weird kids programmes that were on at the time!  Thanks to dystonia, I was introduced to....
'TELETUBBIES'.

I was pretty sure I was hallucinating at the time, but nope! The weird bright creatures dancing around with a sentient vacuum cleaner and the baby in the sun were totally real...

Allergies

Yesterday I had my monthly visit with Dr.Heart-Strings. I grumbled about the usual stuff and we tried to come up with a plan. However, some of my food allergies got worse so I thought it was worth mentioning. This is how the conversation went:

Me: 'Yeah, the dairy thing isn't any better. I ended up getting really sick cuz it messed up my immune system. I get scary upper airway issues from it now.'

Dr.Heart-Strings: 'You know they can work on that by continually introducing it.'

Me: 'Yeah, but it's gotten worse since I've tried that. I ate something bad and then decided since I already messed up my diet, I'd have some pizza. That didn't go very well. And, yes I know- I'm an idiot.'

Dr.Heart-Strings: 'It has to be done GRADUALLY!'

Me: 'I know...'

Dr.Heart-Strings: 'I have a patient who was allergic to aspirin and he really needed it. So, he went and did this thing where they slowly introduced him to it over the course of 6 or 7 months. He's ok now, which is good since he's my accountant.'

Me: 'He's your accountant? No wonder he needed the aspirin...'

Mondegreens

Ok, so you won't find the now infamous 'There's a bathroom on the right' or the late great Hendrix's 'kiss this guy' in this post. I never hear those things anyhow. No, these entries are all me. Enjoy!

I hear: 'We'll have lemonade!' During Rhapsody of Fire's 'Holy Thunderforce'. The real lyrics are 'We shall have their names'.

'Hypnotic creatures read my mind' and 'They told us not to sing, so we prepared a band!' from AFI's 'Greater than 84'

'Take the last train to Costco'

The Monkies, 'Last train to Clarksville'

'Touch me on my butt'

Shaggy, 'Boombastic'

'And with a token butter bean'

Peter Murphy, 'I'll fall with your knife'

'Everybody's got eczema'

L.L.  Cool Jay, 'Head sprung'

'Hold me close and tie me down, Sir'

Elton Jhon, 'Tiny dancer'

'I'll never lechuga' (Spanish word for lettuce)

Third Eye Blind, 'Never let you go'

'Like a pack of wild desperadoes running from the mailman'

Bad Religion, 'Stranger than fiction'

St.Patrick's Day seitan

I am unfortunately stuck to vegan options due to really stupid food allergies. So, here's a decent seitan recipe for something akin to the traditional fare of corned beef and cabbage. Happy St.Patrick's Day!

St.Patrick's Day seitan

Seitan
Washington's brown broth
Cabbage
Carrots
Onions
Potatoes
Bay leaves
Mustard seeds
Pepper corns
Coarse ground prepared mustard
Newcastle beer
White vinegar
Seeded rye bread

Chop up the veg and throw in a pot with about two cups of the broth. Add the seitan, bread, spices, 3-5 bay leaves, 2 slices of the bread, about 1/3 cup of the beer, and a teaspoon of the prepared mustard. Boil for about 5min, then taste. Adjust the taste with the vinegar if needed. You can also add more prepared mustard or beer if necessary. Boil until the veggies are cooked throughout.

Mystery basket challenge...

If you've ever seen 'Iron Chef' or 'Chopped', then you're familiar with the mystery basket challenge. Frequently, that's a bit what it's like in my kitchen. A whole bunch of ingredients that one wouldn't normally combine to make something with, and about 20min to come up with something edible. Such was the genesis of 'meatball chili'.

I had just moved into a new apartment and wasn't completely settled yet. There was technically food in the house, but nothing that really went together. Just ingredients really. Some things in cans or packages, and enough spices to make the Silk Road traders jealous.

So, I opened the fridge and poked around then did the same with the freezer. There were cans of tomatoes with green chilies. There were cans of beans. And in the freezer, there were meatballs.
Hungry carnivores were on their way so I had to come up with something fast.

I grabbed my phone and made sure no one was adverse to chili. There was some confusion since the normal things that go into chili weren't around. I said not to worry, and no one objected. I present the results of that day, meatball chili...

Meatball Chili

1 package of meatballs
1 can tomatoes and green chilies
Cumin
Garlic powder
Onion powder
One or two cups of Broth or bullion (Washington's brown broth is great!)
1 onion
Sesame oil
Butter, oil, or something like that

Sauté the meatballs in the butter or whatever. While they're doing their thing, dice the onions. When the meatballs are evenly browned, take them out and put the onions in. Chop up the meatballs and add back to the pot when the onions are clear. Sauté them together for a few minutes, then add the can of tomatoes, beans, and broth. Start with one cup, add the second if needed. Simmer everything together and add the spices and a drizzle of the sesame oil. After a few minutes, taste it. If it tastes more Italian then like chili, add more of the cumin and a teaspoon of white vinegar to balance out the flavour. It's done once the taste is balanced out.

This can be made veggie/vegan by substituting the meatballs and butter for the equivalent

For the vole unwelcome in my home

Oh little fucker, you'll soon be dead.
I tell you that I'll have your head!
How can such wee voles vex so?
I can't see you, but hear you though.
Across the floor and walls (I think),
though in Mount Everest in the sink-
there is evidence of you!
Menacing vole, I know your poo.

But what to do? No felines here
to slash you up from tail to ear.
You hate the traps, or love them so
since you take the bait and go
A skittering and shitting too.
Oh how I've grown so sick of you.

This madness has to end you know.
Even though outside there's snow.
I am begging, please just go!
It's colder here inside daft thing,
 and with you do diseases bring.
I'll have your head yet, just wait and see!
Oh wait you can't, since dead you'll be.

Things that happen around my house

I once saw a thing about a cardiologist that developed POTS, and was describing how things have changed around his house. Oh boy, can I relate to that! But in addition to all that, there are some other things that happen, which may or may not be relatable. Such as...

It's not unusual to hear singing in my kitchen or bathroom between the hours of 12 and 3am.
Sometimes it's throat singing

There's usually a bag of some sort of snack that's high in sodium hanging around. In every room

'There are spices in the bathroom...', as my landlord put it. Specifically, cayenne pepper, and nutmeg. There's also baking soda, vinegar, and charcoal

Any surface that is flat becomes a table

Arguments typically happen in the bathroom...with inanimate objects

There is a lack of furniture. So much so, that I've had people get ticked off and not believe me. The smart ones bring their own chairs, buckets, and milk crates. And they also double as tables

Just about everything else that's edible goes in the fridge

There's only ever water to drink. Unless someone wants tea or 'cowboy coffee'

Objects in the house have been known to shift around with the tides

Tea cups = shot glasses

Anything about the size of a bucket or larger becomes a trash bin

My broom sees more snow than dirt

There's almost always a box of gloves and baby wipes around

Things tend to be multipurpose

Toilet paper is for guests

My Hero

I present Gary Botting, a personal hero of mine...(couldn't get a pic to load)

This guy is the author of a rather a lot of books, plays, and essays. He is a Canadian extradition law specialist who just happens to have had an early international start as a journalist. All that is impressive enough-- and there's so much more! 

Seriously, you gotta read up on this guy--but what makes him my hero is his work with saturniid moths. The most familiar of these critters is probably the luna moth. There's a very short list of things that I love as much as saturniids* even though moth feet freak me out. I know that sounds weird, especially since creepy crawly things don't freak me out at all. I can hold spiders, centipedes, beetles, and butterflies just fine. But for some reason, furry little moth feet weird me out.

Anywho, the reason why I dig this guy so much is (as I mentioned) because of his work with saturniids. 

He is THE GUY who is responsible for the reclassification of the Polyphemus moth that is still recognized today. Gary Botting did this by crossing a North American Polyphemus moth with giant silk moths from Japan and India by surgically transplanting the female moths pheromone sacs, WHEN HE WAS IN HIS EARLY TEENS! He won numerous science awards, and began touring North America giving presentations on the subject. This lead to tours in Asia, and eventually his career in journalism.

I suspect he's a very busy guy, but I'd love to shake his hand.

 Since he's written over 40 books (including plays and poetry), I'm sure the talking book library has some of his works, which I will report back on. Anyhow, he's among my personal heroes and I just thought I'd share a bit of awesome :)

*Things I love as much as saturniids:

toads, and bioluminescent mushrooms

The Skylark

The brain is a funny thing. Especially when it comes to memory. I have no idea what made me think of this, but here's an account of the time a hot air ballon landed in my yard:

It was a summer day and I was outside catching bugs or running after frogs. These are things I still do. Anyhow, I was around 9 or 10 at the time. It was getting on in the evening and I was going to head inside, when I noticed a hot air ballon. Not too unusual, I'd seen a few come by before. But I have no idea where they originated from. This was in rural northern Ohio. We weren't even a town, we were part of a township shared with 3 other 'towns'. I have no recollection of being anywhere near a small airport or anything like that, but there were a lot of fields.

So, I'm watching this thing and it's quite a bit lower than it ought to be. And then it was rather close to the power lines. I'm still watching at this point in case I had to run in and call 911 if they came in and had issues. But, nope. Thankfully, they had enough clearance and landed safely...in my yard. It was pretty cool. I talked with them for a bit as they packed everything up. I don't recall much of the conversation, but the name of the craft was 'The Skylark'.

I guess they had either planned to come in around there and had a car following them, or used a neighbor's phone to call for a ride cuz they didn't use our phone. Or maybe it was aliens...

Bunnies! (an Easter PSA)

Easter is around the corner and as a companion to an amazing bun, I feel obligated to advocate for their health and wellbeing. If you're considering getting a rabbit, keep in mind that like any pet, they are a long term commitment. It's like having a toddler for 10+ years. Rabbits are in the top three most common pets, right up there with cats and dogs. This also means that for one reason or another, many of them end up in shelters. One of the biggest reasons for this is that people don't have a thorough understanding of what their needs are. I'll include some links at the end, but here are some things you should keep in mind:

1) Consider adoption. Your rabbit-to-be will have had a thorough check up and will be fixed. This is important because they are susceptible to reproductive cancers. Getting them fixed will reduce their risk, and can also help with any behavioral problems. Vets will also check for any tooth or jaw problems which are very common in rabbits

2) There are many places to adopt from aside from your local shelter. If you're near a college with a veterinary programme, you may try giving them a call. You can even ask at your local vet's office, or perhaps at a local groomers. There's also the House Rabbit Society (HRS). They have chapters nationwide and offer a wealth of information and resources as well. And of course, you can always check your local newspaper, pet finder, or Craigslist

3) You can also foster a rabbit, or even help to sponsor a bun that might not be able to be adopted. Check the HRS website for more information

4) Learn to 'speak' rabbit. They have a social hierarchy and many different ways of communicating. It helps to know where you fit in if you want well behaved bunnies

5) Rabbits are food! This is important to be aware of in a multi-pet home. However, they can coexist just fine with other critters. Voltaire herself is just fine with cats and dogs. In fact, I've seen her put a much larger dog in place by standing on her hind legs and whacking him right across his snout

6) Don't expect them to be cuddly. They have different 'personalities' just like we do. They can be aloof, grumpy, energetic, all of the above, or none of those things.  Realize that they do things on their terms and work to correct their behavior if necessary. There are times when Voltaire doesn't want to be held and she'll squirm, grunt, huff, dig, and even nip. Just learn to listen to what your rabbit is telling you

7) They can be talkative. It's unusual for an older rabbit to talk much, but they do communicate with a variety of sounds. They purr, chatter, and 'oink' (it's actually referred to as 'honking', but it sounds like a piglet to me). Voltaire happens to be a chatterbox. All of my other buns were quiet


8) Keep them occupied! This is the secret to well behaved buns. They can be highly intelligent-- and just like a bored intelligent toddler-- they can be destructive when left to their own devices

9) Rabbits need a designated toilet spot and appropriate litter material. Clay kitty litter can bind up their digestive system and irritate their lungs. Voltaire litter trained herself- she went right to the cat box (we used the recycled newspaper pellet type litter). If she can't go in her cage for some reason, she'll go in her pet bed, a cat box, or in the bathroom. Specifically, she'll poop next to the toilet, and pee behind it cuz she's a goober :)
I put down a layer of newspaper in her cage followed by some pet bedding and hay. She's prone to getting sore hocks, so bedding is a must for her
 
10) If you elect to have a cage for your rabbit, be sure that there's enough room for them to take three good hops

11) Get your flea stuff from your vet! I don't care if it's more expensive. Flea solution is a poison, and isn't something you want to mess around with. Be sure that you're seeing someone that deals specifically with rabbits and that they weigh your bun before prescribing anything. Most medications are based on weight. You don't have to use a flea product, but it's a good idea if you have multiple pets, let your rabbit outside, or have a seasonal influx of rodents. The HRS website has resources for finding an appropriate vet in your area as well as information about anti flea medications

12) Rabbits are social creatures, but that doesn't mean they'll automatically get along with another rabbit. Love at first sight is rare and bonding two rabbits may take a while, if they even bond at all. It's possible to adopt a bonded pair. Doing it yourself can get ugly and result in both human and  lagomorph injury. It's best to use caution when introducing any new critters or people. Even though Voltaire is super chill and loves traveling, I'm still a little cautious with her just in case. Most rabbits stress out very easily- she's one of the rare ones that doesn't

13) This one is a personal choice, but I'll never take her or any other rabbit on an airplane. I'm sure she'd handle the traveling just fine (I take her everywhere I can with me), but I'd be concerned about her ears being sensitive to the air pressure change. If it's uncomfortable for humans, I can't imagine how it would be for such a sensitive little critter

And there you have it, my Easter PSA. Here's the link to HRS website:

https://rabbit.org/

Link for finding a reputable veterinarian:

http://www.hopline.org/veterinary-referrals/

The toaster story

I'm not a particularly loud person, and also I'm fairly chill. Nothing that I can think of demonstrates this more than the time the toaster caught on fire...

At the time, I was living with my first ex-boyfriend's aunt. I used to work with her doing after school and weekend programmes. She also did foster care so her 'kids' were usually around. Even after they outgrew the system, they'd still come by to visit 'mom'. That was the case this particular day when I went downstairs to make some toast.

We had a well loved toaster and as it usually goes in big families, it wasn't emptied out very often. I didn't know that at the time, so I innocently went about making my toast. There must have been a lot of crud at the bottom, cuz this thing was blazing like crazy.

So, I unplugged it and went to put it outside but couldn't open the door since I was holding a flaming toaster. One of the outgrown foster kids was sitting in the living room (we'll call him Dave) and so I called out to him for help.

Me: 'Hey Dave, could you come and help me?'
Dave: (sitting on couch with laptop) 'Why? I'm busy.'
Me: 'Because the toaster is on fire and I can't open the door.'
Dave: 'Yeah, whatever.'
Me: 'Seriously, I can't open the door because I'm holding a burning toaster.'
Dave: 'Yeah, right.'
Me: (walks over with toaster) 'Could you please open the door? The toaster IS on fire.'

He finally looked up and realized that the toaster was in fact on fire, and gave me the 'well, why didn't you say so?' look afterwards.

I really didn't see the point in yelling or anything like that. I very clearly said what the matter was, and if you didn't want to listen, I don't think anything I said or did would have made a difference.

How I saved a finger

Before health issues became a problem for me, I was taking some training courses to lead all sorts of multi-day trips. Anything from backpacking, skiing, rock climbing, white water and flat water paddling, to all kinds of other neat stuff. One of the things that we had to take was a medical certification course. Oh man was that super cool! I'm so thankful I got to do those things. I still use my outdoor gear and on occasion some of the things I learned from the medical training. This is how I saved a finger:

I was renting a room in a very large house with a communal kitchen on the second floor. One of the other boarders was cutting up some vegetables with a crappy knife. The blade was too light, so it wasn't very stable and jumped around a bit. I happened to be sitting in the kitchen at the time, with a few of the other folks. As we were talking, the guy chopping veggies had cut his finger and there was blood on the counter. Since the knife blade was so light, it jumped around a bit while slicing a potato and also got Veggie Guy pretty good at the same time. There wasn't a scary amount of blood, but it was enough to freak Veggie Guy out. I jumped up out of the chair, grabbed some towels, and had him  wrap his finger up and apply pressure.

It didn't seem too bad, so I started looking for some cayenne pepper which is a very powerful styptic.
Apparently while I was looking, Veggie Guy kept putzing with his finger and so there was more blood on the counter. I went back over to show him how to put pressure on the thing. His finger flopped to the side in a very unnatural way. I let him know that everything would be fine, but he needed to hold pressure on the finger to control the bleeding, and that I would be right back.
I ran up to my room and grabbed my super glue.

When I got back to the kitchen, he was still putzing with his finger and still getting blood all over the place. So, I calmly walked him over to the sink and rinsed off what I could. I explained that I needed to glue his finger and that would help get things under control. Then we could get a better idea of how bad it was. He gave me permission to glue him back together, and I got to work. I kept explaining what I was doing and why I was doing it, which kept Veggie Guy occupied enough to not interfere with the super glue doing its thing. One of the other guys brought up a clean towel and took him to the ER.

A few hours later, he was home and came upstairs to thank me. He even asked if I could look after the finger until it healed. I didn't mind at all, and told him it wasn't a big deal at all. I did want to take a look at it, though given how deep it was. Then I remembered what that could mean, and I asked him a few questions about feeling and circulation. He smiled and said they had asked him similar questions and that the blood supply was fine--all thanks to super glue!

Life lessons I learned from backpacking

1) Invest in rain gear! Get pants with full side zips and gaiters. It is totally acceptable to rock the latest from the EMS clearance rack

2) If said rain gear does not fit in your pocket, get some that does. It's worth it

3) If something only has one purpose, consider if it's worth having at all. There are few exceptions

4) Live deliberately

5) It's ok to let someone else scratch your butt

6) Baby wipes and baking soda have multiple 'freshening' virtues

7) Invest in winter gear, especially good pants with gaiters 'cuz frozen laces are a pain in the ass

8) It's ok if your winter gear doesn't fit in your pocket

9) Don't let duct tape steal the spotlight! Be aware of the uses of superglue, shoelaces, dental floss, and tampons. Any or all of those things could save a life

10) Respect everything around you. Life is full of things that are bigger than you are

11) Don't take more than 10% of something that isn't yours, if you have to take anything at all

12) Treat things that aren't yours with more respect than things that belong to you

Migraines part 3

While I was waiting for my insurance to approve the Botox injections, I was doing some investigating about my treatment options. I was told the insurance approval wouldn't take all that long, but I know my insurance. It ended up taking about six months for approval, and I was the only one that wasn't surprised by this*.
There are a few nifty devices I came across that are pretty similar to a TENS unit. I've used TENS units in the past for TMJ, the dystonia in my neck, and lower back/sacral joint/hip pain. We had that thing maxed out and it felt like someone put some several purring kittens on me. If you're not familiar with this 'lil gadget, its about the size of a pager and works by over stimulating the muscles with a controlled electric pulse which causes the muscles to contract. After a little bit, your body goes, 'Oh! I don't have to keep sending out these impulses 'cuz that's already happening.'
After your muscles get the memo, they stop freaking out and pain from the spasms dissipates. I doubt that most people would compare the experience to kittens. In fact, I've heard of folks that can't tolerate it, or say that it feels rather unpleasant.

I came across two devices that are designed specifically for migraines, and there's some limited reports of treatment for trigeminal neuralgia. I forgot the name of the first one I came across, but the one that I went with was the Cefaly device. It's been available for about ten years and is FDA approved. There's some folks that have been able to get their insurance to cover it, but I paid out of pocket. Cefaly also comes with a money back guarantee. I did end up returning mine, but I'll get to that in a minute. I don't want to put anyone off from trying it if you have the funds to do so. They aren't sponsoring me or anything, I'm just a regular 'ol consumer.

I purchased the Cefaly dual, which has two set 'programmes'. The acute setting runs for an hour at high intensity impulses, while the prevention setting runs for twenty minutes at a lesser intensity. However, you can adjust the intensity of the programmes. The acute setting is meant to be used during an attack, and the prevention setting is meant to be used daily. I only had it for about a month before I ended up returning it, so my experience is a bit limited. Over all, I think it did help somewhat.

I didn't get complete relief using the acute setting, but keep in mind that my migraine has been constant since September 2016. I suspect that it may work better for folks who get them occasionally.
Also, I was using that setting a few times a day two hours apart as they recommended. I was able to tolerate it just fine at the maximum setting on the first use. I wasn't trying to go full force at once, but they say to steadily increase the intensity as tolerable. I just happened to be able to max it out. It felt a bit more intense than kittens, but not by much. Again, that's just my experience.

The prevention setting didn't seem to prevent much, but I already mentioned that this has been ongoing. Neither of the settings made it any worse. The biggest difference I noticed was that it did help the spasms in my face. Which is exactly what I expected from a TENS unit. The device itself was quite small--about 3in, or half the size of a dollar bill. It had a USB charger and attached magnetically to an electrode on the forehead. I had some trouble with getting the electrode to stick to my forehead even after wiping my face with alcohol. Adhesives either really like me or don't stick at all. I just used it while lying down and that kept it in place just fine. I do recommend ordering extra electrodes. Especially if you're an oily mother f***er like I am. I didn't notice any irritation from the adhesive, which was nice. They do have electrodes for sensitive folks available. However, I think that the one provided with the unit is just the regular kind.

The reason I ended up returning the device is because of an ongoing problem that I have with electronics: I tend to short things out. This isn't a new problem, it's always happened. I avoid watches and other devices like iPods, high quality laptops, and expensive phones. I've even fried multiple holter monitors. I do have a small talking watch, but its on a keychain. The main reason I was attracted to the Cefaly was because of the warranty since I expected to fry it. And that's exactly what happened--just like my first cellphone, it was zapped within a month. Now, I don't want to dissuade anyone from trying it. But specifically, I shorted it out and it electrocuted me. I'm pretty sure that it was just due to my weird problem and I was fine afterwards. The company was great about the refund, and I only have positive things to say about their customer service. I may try it again in the future, but that's all for now! Unless anyone knows anything about why I fry stuff...


*and that was just a straight up approval. There weren't any appeals or anything else filed. But as I said, I knew it would take a bit. Hence, investigating other options.

Migraines part 2

So, today I had my first round of Botox for my migraines. My neurologist is very optimistic about it, more than I am actually. Not that I think it won't help, I do. It's just that there's a lot of mixed reports out there. Clearly it helps enough that most insurance covers it, and folks are willing to have someone shoot them up with botulism toxin 31 times every few months.

In my case, I have several conditions that can be treated with the Botox injections. I'm not sure what the protocol is for everything else, but the benefit of having the 31 sites done is that it covers the other areas too. It's possible that those conditions are contributing to the migraines. So, here's what else I have going on that will hopefully improve with the injections: Dystonia, TMJ, and some mysterious eyeball stabbing that is constant and only occurs on the right side (my eye doc thinks it's an atypical type of the dreaded trigeminal neuralgia). I decided to give the Botox a go even though there's mixed results for migraine improvement. SOMETHING will get better, if not the migraines.
I'll talk more about the other stuff in a separate post, but I'd like to describe my experience from today.

I tend to be apprehensive when it comes to trying any new medication. I've had some pretty bad experiences in the past. That wasn't the case today- this was a last resort for me as far as treatment goes and is something that was thoroughly discussed with my other doctors. Any questions I had were answered and I felt like I had a good understanding of the risks and benefits. I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page and that we were prepared in case I had any sort of reaction. It also helps that I'm not afraid of needles*! I was concerned about ice packs, but I'll get to that.

So, I had to sign some consent forms before the Botox. They were read to me by one of the assistants and she answered my questions about the paperwork. It basically said that I was giving consent for the injections, I understood the risks, and that if anything wacky happens I wouldn't hold them responsible. They wrote down the lot number from the vial, and I signed. Then, she offered me an ice pack, which confused the heck out of me. So, she left shaking her head and offered to run it by the doctor. That sounded fine by me, so I waited for Dr.New-Neuro to come in and get started.
Dr.New-Neuro: 'So, this is the first time you're getting the Botox, right?'
Me: 'Yes.'
Dr.New-Neuro: 'Ok. Umm, did you want an ice pack?'
Me: 'I don't do well with ice, it makes the dystonia worse. Why exactly would I need one anyway?'
Dr.New-Neuro: 'Yeah, it's probably not a good idea then. It's mostly just for pain.'
Me: 'Ah...umm, how bad is it?'
Dr.New-Neuro: 'I try to go quick so there's not a lot of time for it to register.'
Me: 'How long does it take?'
Dr.New-Neuro: 'Well, it is 31 injections. But mixing it is what takes the longest. The injections take about ten minutes if you don't push me away kicking and screaming.'
Me: (slightly apprehensive) 'I'm thinking it won't be all that bad, I have a fairly high tolerance for pain and I'm pretty chill.'

So, sans ice pack, she had me hop on the exam table and lay on my back. I got rid of as many things that were on my person as was socially acceptable-- shoes, socks, hearing aid, fuzzy, etc. The fewer things I have on, the more relaxed I'll be. Sensory issues suck.

She started the injections across the forehead, and it was not deal at all! I was more uncomfortable from the pants I had on. She did work fast, but was very attentive to where my problem areas were--
particularly around my jaw joints, right eye, and the part of my neck where the dystonia is bad. Then
she checked the sites and that was it. It was actually under ten minutes, since I didn't move/scream/freak out. I didn't even bleed after-- apparently I'm among her better patients.
We went over a few unrelated things and then I was off, with a few alcohol pads just incase I oozed on the way home. So, far so good! I'll post more periodically and update when I see her next month.




*I do however, have a phobia of iv units

Migraines part 1

Migraines suck. I'm sure someone reading this has had the misfortune of discovering how dreadful they are/can be. I've had them here and there throughout my life. As a baby, I would get them because my adenoids were severely infected and they were pushing on my brain.*

I don't know if there's any connection, but around the same time I started to develop sensitivities to food/chemicals in food. And then came severe sensory issues, which are still a big problem. I've since learned to say that I'm cold when folks wonder why I'm all swaddled up in my mummy bag--it's just easier that way. And most of the time that's actually true. If anyone has any information about patient support and advocacy groups, feel free to let loose in the comments.

Back to the migraines-
For years I was getting a whole lot of weird symptoms, but without any headaches. So, I just ignored the weirdness for a long time. Then one morning in February 2008, I started to experience flashing lights in my left eye.  I still get that a lot and there's no connection to the headache part, is still and has only ever happened in my left eye, and is still there even when my eye(s) are closed. I've only had a few migraines after the left-sided-light-show started, until....

One day in September 2016. I have had a CONSTANT migraine since then. We've tried a bunch of things, but it's challenging to break up migraine under 'normal' circumstances, forget about one that's been going on for well over a year! On top of that, I'm either allergic to, or can't tolerate a good deal of the meds they tend to use. On top of that, I have yet to identify any triggers. So, in 14hrs I'm going for Botox (my phone calls it 'Baw-tux'). I'll report back afterwards, as well as talk a bit more about my experience with migraines since every migraineur is different.

I'm hopeful that I'll get some benefit from it as my expectations are realistic and I also have several dx's that respond to Botox. That's it for the moment, more to come later today. But, right now I'm going to get back to spoiling Voltaire :)



* So my mum tells me. I'm not sure where those medical records are or how I can get them.

Technical difficulties

I've been having a hard time with posting pictures, so apologies for the text-centric posts. I'm not sure if there's a conflict with my screen reader or what (it tends to dislike images). I should have it sorted out soon. I'm gonna try a few things later, so we'll see how that goes.

Cure what ails you

It's flu season, yippee!
Here's a simple recipe to chase that cold away fast! The base is veggie friendly, so everyone can benefit from this super soup!

Super soup base:
8-10 pieces of astragalus root (they look like tongue depressors)
2 medium cloves of garlic, smashed a bit to release the oils
1/2 cup dried shiitake mushrooms

Combine the above in a large pot and boil the ever living out of it for about an hour. The size of the stock pot doesn't matter much, as you can continue to reduce it to the amount you need.
Use this as a base for your chicken noodle soup. Add it after you sauté any veggies that you usually use. Just strain it before adding. The remaining dregs from the base can be frozen for next time.

Stay well!

A new take on the oldest profession

...And also more fun at the doctors
So, my primary care doc is amazing. Not only is he also my cardiologist, but he is absolutely hilarious! Here's a recent sample of such an exchange after politicking about health care and our ancestral lands. I'll be paraphrasing and substituting a few details to protect identities.
Me: 'I was looking into dual citizenship for Egypt, but their health care seems pretty backwards. I dunno if I'd be able to get citizenship through Turkey, cuz that's three generations back.'
Dr.Heart-Strings: 'That whole part of the world is pretty backwards, but Turkey isn't as bad.'
Me: 'Yeah, that's what I've heard. They seem to be the most progressive.'
Dr.Heart-Strings: 'The people there were great. I passed through Egypt and didn't much like it- they didn't have a great attitude so I didn't stick around long.'
Me: 'That sucks, I'm sorry.'
Dr.Heart-Strings: 'Yeah and I didn't really have much interest in seeing anything there. I'm a doctor! I don't want to see dead people, I treat the living!'
I begin to crack up at this point, but there's more...
Dr.Heart-Strings continues: 'They're prostitutes! I mean, they call them ''mummies'', but they're still selling their bodies!'
At this point I'm laughing quite hard, but he continues!
Dr.Heart-Strings: '...and then they call it halal!'
I couldn't take it anymore and neither could he--we burst out in raucous laughter and tears of hilarity.
Truly a great man! As they say, 'laughter is the best medicine.' He definitely fills that rx every time, and he's got a million of 'em!
More to come from him in future posts,
but that's all for now!

Fun at the Doctors

Every year I have to go for a routine eye exam. Not a big deal, I've been a patient there for years and the office staff is pretty much the same. I am a long cane user (especially if I don't bring a set of eyes with me), and tend to have it with me since that office can be crowded. So, every year without fail this is how it goes:
I wobble in with 'Toby' (my cane) and go to the window.
Me: 'I'm here to see Dr.Eyeballs for whatever-o'clock'.
Window Lady: 'Ok. Here's some paperwork'.
Me: 'I can't fill that out myself. I can wait until you're not busy'.
WL: 'Why can't you fill it out?'
Me: 'Because I'm blind'.

I have the same exchange every year, and that same lady is always there. Granted, I'm not completely blind. But I had Toby with me and he's hard to miss!

Arg! Oh, well...

Intro

Welcome!
Might take a bit to iron out some kinks, screen readers have some limitations so bear with me. I'll probably post several times a day since a lot of things pop into my head, and my phone does silly things that I think are worth sharing. I tend to listen to a lot of music and love mondegreens, so prepare for a bunch of those to show up in posts.

Voltaire is my companion bunny, and she just turned five. Happy birthday Voltaire! I maintain that rabbits have a therapeutic value equal to kittens, but are pretty much furry toddlers their whole lives.

I 'read' a lot of books--my state has a great programme that sends out free audio books. Some are better than others, and a I'm sure they'll find their way here.

That's about it for now--
I'm friends with Voltaire, and you should be too!