Italian with grandma

My gram was pretty awesome. For some reason, I just remembered two of the times she threw in a language lesson. Out of the blue by the way.


Lesson one
Gram: (From the kitchen) 'Hey!'
Me: 'Yeah?'
Gram: 'You wanna learn Italian?'
Me: 'Sure!'
Gram: 'Ok! You know pasta, right?'
Me: 'Uh...yeah...'
Gram: 'You know ''al dente''?'
Me: 'Yeah.'
Gram: 'You know what it means? ''Hard as your teeth''!'

Lesson two
Gram: (From the kitchen) 'Hey!'
Me: 'Hmm?'
Gram: 'You know ''mortadella''?'
Me: 'Yeah.'
Gram: 'Know what it means? ''Strikes you dead''!'


And that was the extent of my lessons. 'Arabic with grandpa' wasn't nearly as memorable and I'm haunted by memories of him having me write the letter F over and over cuz he couldn't read my Spanish. You know, when you speak more than five languages and you're older than me, of course your handwriting is gonna be better than mine! The American education system sucks- you didn't experience it first hand.

The 'Admiral'

We have a saying in my family that describes when someone or something completely unrelated to what's happening seems to chime in perfectly. We refer to this as 'the Admiral'. The Admiral can take many forms such as, another person or someone else's conversation, the radio, something written down, or the TV.

That's actually where the name comes from. Admiral used to make old TV sets. My mum had one growing up and swears this thing 'knew' what was going on. Not quite in a haunted/possessed/sentient way, but in more than a way that was just coincidental.

For instance, if the TV was on and the phone rang. Suddenly it was like the thing was in on the conversation. People or ads would come on that were relevant to the conversation or there would be some snarky comment. I'm fairly certain that everyone has experienced this in one form or another.
Now you have a word for it.

I don't think the thing was haunted, but the phenomenon seems to follow around my family. A lot. The original Admiral is probably in a landfill somewhere at this point, but he lives on. And rest assured, he is alive and well!

Misc. D&D adventures

Whenever someone mentions 'role playing', I think of d20's. Not therapy or weird stuff that you make hookers sign non disclosure agreements for. Nope-- maybe that makes me weird, but I'll take that any day. Let me start with the story of the dented mug...

This actually goes back to my first game of dungeons and dragons ever. There's a lot of superstition in the tabletop rpg community and if you try and play against any of that, you will have a miserable time of it. Trust me, and the Bards. I played a bunch of other systems before getting into d&d. Although, if you really want to get technical-- I had actually played through some of the 'Lone Wolf' and 'Dragon Lance' stuff first.
'You decide to visit Limbo. You've heard it's nice this time of year'.  (Anyone? Anyone at all?)

Point is, I had an idea of what I was getting myself into...sort of. I had a very experienced DM and he didn't even see this coming. There was a party of about six of us, a good mixed party. Dwarves, half orcs, gnomes. Bards, fighters,  rogues, rangers, paladins. A good assortment.

I was playing a half elf ranger. Ever since my very first d&d game, I have played this guy. Even if I have to roll up a new character, the stats are nearly identical. It's spooky.

So after a long day of adventuring, our party decides to camp for the night. We were on our way to go take care of some restless undead in a local graveyard. Surprise! The undead are wandering around and we get attacked in the middle of the night by skeletons. This is a particularly bad deal--you don't want to be caught without armor or weapons. Especially as a level one character.

We're getting our asses handed to us-- spells that had been cast earlier hadn't regenerated yet and neither had hp. So I asked the DM if I could try and grab something to hit the skeleton that was attacking me with. DM says sure--roll for it. I successfully grab my pack. The skeleton tries to make an attack and misses.

Back to my turn. I try to grab something out of my pack. DM allows it, I make the check and roll again to grab... a mug. Well, shit. This situation isn't very good and all I can manage to do is grab a fucking mug. I'm the only one not taking damage, and everything is up to me.

I had to go for it, work with what I had. So I roll to try and hit the skeleton...successfully! Nat 20, actually. Nobody can believe this and I ended up with major xp from that. Everything suddenly started going in our favour after that. And to this day, my half elf ranger never goes anywhere without his dented mug.

We need a word for this...

I don't think we have a word for this--at least in English-- and there needs to be one. We need a word that describes the feeling you get when everything sucks, because it doesn't suck as much as it did and you know it can be better.

'Frustrated' seems too general. I'm talking a specific adjective that conveys the fact that you know it's not so bad (whatever your 'it' is), but that's the fact that pisses you off.

Maybe such a word exists already. If it does, please let me know what it is. Or if you're a bored wordsmith or linguist, now you have a task to amuse yourself with-- you're welcome!

Migraine Check-in

Ok, so I forgot to post on Tuesday about my neurology appointment. I was preoccupied with trying to sleep and then trying to figure out what 'Ambien Me' did with my hair brush, headphones, rescue meds, and half a jar of grape jelly. Anywho...

The eyeball stabbing came back, but it's not as bad as it was, and the dystonia seems ok. The migraines are still constant, but I'm not miserable. The fluid still pours out of my nose, and nobody's done an MRI. Still using the rescue meds, and the Zofran/Diet Coke/bucket combo. Dr.New-Neuro was pleasantly surprised that I had no side effects from the first round of injections, and wants to see me in two months for the next round. I think it's a good idea to give it a go, symptoms can  take a few rounds to subside.

This is also kind of a shout out/thank you to health care workers: you guys put up with a ton of bullshit and still choose to do your damnedest to try and help people. And often times don't get thanked enough, especially those in emergency medicine. So, I try not to give you guys a hard time cuz if I don't want to deal with my crap, then I can't imagine that you would either.

It's important for me to get this out there. A few months ago, Dr.New-Neuro's office advised me to go to the ER. This never occurred to me-- I had been previously advised to just curl up with my bucket and since I wasn't bleeding profusely, I didn't think that was where I needed to be. But I went begrudgingly, and I had to go by ambulance for reasons that I won't get into. Let's just say that with my migraines I need to be near a bucket, throne, shower, and washing machine.

After a few trips, I felt like that was a major waste of time and resources for me to just be miserable when I could be miserable at home for free. I called Dr.New-Neuro's office and told them so. Then I asked to try a medication that we weren't sure I could safely take, since that's pretty much what the ER wanted to give me anyhow. Turns out I can tolerate it just fine, and got shuffled off to the ER...again.

One day when the call went out, an extra vehicle showed up with the ambulance. One of the EMTs recognized my address and wasn't even on call. He just happened to hear it on the scanner and came to make sure I was ok. I don't remember your name,  but you are awesome and I want you to know that I am making progress. Seriously dude (and fellow medical professionals), THANK YOU!!!

This is pretty stupid...

I have a state id issued through the RMV (or DMV, whatever it is in my state) that basically catalogues me as a blind person. It is a VALID STATE ISSUED ID. However, I am constantly having issues with places accepting it. There is a statement on the back that says a place can decline to accept the id, but only under the circumstances that they would turn away any other type of id-- driver's license, passport, military id, etc.

The thing comes with it's own disclaimer and seal from the  governor, the only thing it doesn't have is a barcode. So I can't buy a money order, or Sudafed, or alcohol. It's frick'n stupid! Let me at least get my own beer, you know damn well I ain't driving home

Could have been a fever dream...

For some reason, my dystonia flares up in the spring. I tend to lose my voice and/or my neck will lock up for about a week. This has been happening since I was a kid and I would end up missing school a lot. As much as that sucked, those days ended up influencing my life in unexpected ways. Since I couldn't do much I was stuck with watching tv. I happened to be the weird kid that was always playing outside and never watched tv.

But, thanks to those days nine-year-old-me was introduced to 'Mork and Mindy' and 'Blazing Saddles'. Sure I was a little young, but boy did that beat the really weird kids programmes that were on at the time!  Thanks to dystonia, I was introduced to....
'TELETUBBIES'.

I was pretty sure I was hallucinating at the time, but nope! The weird bright creatures dancing around with a sentient vacuum cleaner and the baby in the sun were totally real...

Allergies

Yesterday I had my monthly visit with Dr.Heart-Strings. I grumbled about the usual stuff and we tried to come up with a plan. However, some of my food allergies got worse so I thought it was worth mentioning. This is how the conversation went:

Me: 'Yeah, the dairy thing isn't any better. I ended up getting really sick cuz it messed up my immune system. I get scary upper airway issues from it now.'

Dr.Heart-Strings: 'You know they can work on that by continually introducing it.'

Me: 'Yeah, but it's gotten worse since I've tried that. I ate something bad and then decided since I already messed up my diet, I'd have some pizza. That didn't go very well. And, yes I know- I'm an idiot.'

Dr.Heart-Strings: 'It has to be done GRADUALLY!'

Me: 'I know...'

Dr.Heart-Strings: 'I have a patient who was allergic to aspirin and he really needed it. So, he went and did this thing where they slowly introduced him to it over the course of 6 or 7 months. He's ok now, which is good since he's my accountant.'

Me: 'He's your accountant? No wonder he needed the aspirin...'

Mondegreens

Ok, so you won't find the now infamous 'There's a bathroom on the right' or the late great Hendrix's 'kiss this guy' in this post. I never hear those things anyhow. No, these entries are all me. Enjoy!

I hear: 'We'll have lemonade!' During Rhapsody of Fire's 'Holy Thunderforce'. The real lyrics are 'We shall have their names'.

'Hypnotic creatures read my mind' and 'They told us not to sing, so we prepared a band!' from AFI's 'Greater than 84'

'Take the last train to Costco'

The Monkies, 'Last train to Clarksville'

'Touch me on my butt'

Shaggy, 'Boombastic'

'And with a token butter bean'

Peter Murphy, 'I'll fall with your knife'

'Everybody's got eczema'

L.L.  Cool Jay, 'Head sprung'

'Hold me close and tie me down, Sir'

Elton Jhon, 'Tiny dancer'

'I'll never lechuga' (Spanish word for lettuce)

Third Eye Blind, 'Never let you go'

'Like a pack of wild desperadoes running from the mailman'

Bad Religion, 'Stranger than fiction'

St.Patrick's Day seitan

I am unfortunately stuck to vegan options due to really stupid food allergies. So, here's a decent seitan recipe for something akin to the traditional fare of corned beef and cabbage. Happy St.Patrick's Day!

St.Patrick's Day seitan

Seitan
Washington's brown broth
Cabbage
Carrots
Onions
Potatoes
Bay leaves
Mustard seeds
Pepper corns
Coarse ground prepared mustard
Newcastle beer
White vinegar
Seeded rye bread

Chop up the veg and throw in a pot with about two cups of the broth. Add the seitan, bread, spices, 3-5 bay leaves, 2 slices of the bread, about 1/3 cup of the beer, and a teaspoon of the prepared mustard. Boil for about 5min, then taste. Adjust the taste with the vinegar if needed. You can also add more prepared mustard or beer if necessary. Boil until the veggies are cooked throughout.